Ethereal-Euphoria

As I lit a cigarette in the night. The night grew more still. Those deserted streets of the night. In the silence even the soft breeze made itself not go unheard. I realized my seclusion in the moment. In the clatter of the day. I forget. We forget. The solitariness of our hearts.  I always long for these moments in the day, in the chaos of my life, to be on my own. Solitude brings peace to my mind. I am surrounded by the people I love. I miss them when they are not around. But in their presence I find myself searching for escapes. To be with myself.   I fear myself. "Am I selfish. Am I insane. Am I a person so detached, being recluse. Do I not value the people I love."   But in this moment the graveness of the silence sank into me. The loneliness made my heart suffocate.   Then I watched a man on the street walk by. I couldn't see his face. He wasn't someone I knew, I know that. He was far, even in this quiescence I couldn't hear his steps.  ...

When things looked down she smiled so bravely. In the storms, I always saw her calm. I called her a little ball of sunshine. As cheesy as it sounds.   I wanted to believe she is naive and ignorant. I wanted to believe she has never seen pain. She has never been hurt. That optimism is not for someone who has seen the reality of the world. In this curiosity I said to her once, what makes you so darn content and calm in life.   She had a story to tell.  Then she told me what it felt when the first time to see her world fell apart.  When it did, she let all hell break loose. Opened all the doors and let the pain barge in. Soul crushing pain. She let her heart sink in the suffocation. The time when getting out from the bed was the biggest challenge. The time when every passing moment kept getting more difficult. Her head at constant battle. Her eyes searching for a refuge. Looking for a place for a moment of quietude. Not calmness and not peace but maybe just ...